


signals crossing

by lefargen



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 07:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15310554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lefargen/pseuds/lefargen
Summary: Being an idol can be hard. Donghyuck teaches Jeno that things are easier when you don't have to go through them alone.





	signals crossing

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is literally the first piece of creative writing i have EVER written so please be kind to me. also excuse any typos/grammar mistakes, i tried to make it as close to perfect as i could.

Ever since he can remember, Jeno has been told that he was meant to be a star. When he was a kid, he truly believed it, staring in commercials and gaining attention for being a handsome and talented little boy. That all changed when he joined SM entertainment.

Being a trainee is hard. Jeno can’t dance as well as he would like to, can’t sing as well as he’d like to, and can’t rap as well as he’d like to. He spends all day in a tiny practice room with other trainees working till they can barely move, dripping with sweat and sagging with fatigue.

Some days it becomes too much for Jeno. The pressure builds up so high until he feels like he can’t contain it. Like he is carrying a box that is too heavy and he needs to take some things out so he can continue carrying it.

On these days, Jeno finds an empty room, a closet, practice room, anything really. He sinks to the floor and pulls his knees to his chest and lets himself cry. Cry because he isn’t good enough. Cry because his daily routine has become so strict. Cry because he misses his mom, and his friends, and being a regular kid. Today is one of those days.

It had been a particularly rough day. Jeno couldn’t remember the choreography to the new routine he was learning, his trainee evaluation had not gone well, and he had gotten into a petty argument with another trainee. Jeno was sure that if he didn’t get booted soon, the pressure would make him quit anyway.

He finds an empty practice room, ready to sob an ocean’s worth of tears as soon as he sits down, when he notices he is not alone. Sitting in the corner is a boy with a bright smile and chubby cheeks. Donghyuck. 

Jeno has been training with Donghyuck for a while. He is loud, confident, and carries himself like he knows he is a star. As far as Jeno is concerned, he is. Jeno often wonders what its like to be so naturally talented. To walk around like you are better than everyone else because you actually are.

“Jeno? You’re still here?” Donghyuck asks, confusion evident his voice. He is sat on the ground in the corner of the room, headphones in one ear, as his hand taps lazily to the beat of the song he is practicing.

“Yeah. I was just looking for a place to sit and be alone for awhile. Reflect on some things. It’s been kind of a hard day.” Jeno replied.

Donghyuck stares at the ground for a second, calculating. He looks up at Jeno again, and pats the ground next to him. “Sit” he demands. “We are in this together. Might as well reflect together as well.”

Jeno pauses for a second. He is very much an introvert. He has never had a moment like this with any of the other trainees before. Sure, he is close with Donghyuck and the others, but he only allows himself to be vulnerable when he is alone. But something about Donghyuck draws him closer, until he is sitting down apprehensively.

“You know” Donghyuck begins, “I really feel like we are going to make it. We are going to debut.”

Jeno laughs bitterly. Of course that’s easy for Donghyuck to say, who has everyone wrapped around his finger, including Lee Sooman himself. 

Donghyuck notices his sour response and rolls his eyes. “I’m serious” he says. “We work so well together. You, me, Jaemin, Jisung, even Mark-hyung. It’s just, when we practice together, our teamwork is so good. I feel like we could really be something together.”

Jeno looks down, biting his bottom lip. He wants to believe what Donghyuck is saying, he really does. But after everything that happened today he remains unsure. “What if…” Jeno begins. “What if I’m not good enough?”

Donghyuck frowns, forehead creasing as he grabs Jeno’s hand. Jeno refuses to look at him, rubbing patterns on the leg of his pants and staring at the ground in front of him. 

“Jeno. I know you had a bad day. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough. I mean… we all have bad days. We’ve all been there. What matters is, when you have a bad day, we’ll be there. We can pick up the slack. That’s what teams do. No one has to be 100% all of the time.” Donghyuck rambles. 

Jeno finally looks at him, deep in thought. “But Hyuck” he starts, “at the end of the day we are kind of each other’s competition. We are fighting to debut. There might not be a spot for both of us when it’s time to do this for real.”

Donghyuck scoffs at that. “Jeno. What did I just tell you. We are going to make it. And we will be amazing. And we are going to this together. Don’t see it like that. It’s a lonely way of thinking. This whole thing is so much easier if you don’t have to do it alone.”

Jeno feels his eyes start to water. “It just all gets to be a little too much sometimes. I want to be good enough. I want to hear what you’re saying and believe it. And I want to go through each day not feeling so alone all of the time” he says, voice breaking.

“Oh Jeno. You aren’t alone. I really mean it. I want to do this with you. You are good. We are all good. But we are better together. We are amazing together. We can’t do this without you. I really don’t want to do this without you.” Donghyuck says.

Jeno sighs. He still doesn’t feel confident in his abilities and is still unsure of his future at SM entertainment. But right now, Donghyuck’s words are enough. 

He looks up at Donghyuck and smiles. Donghyuck smiles back, and the action alone is enough to calm Jeno down even further. 

“You know what makes everything better?” Donghyuck says with a smirk on his face. 

“What?” Jeno replies smile already returning to his face. 

“Eating ramen with friends and ignoring your responsibilities” he giggles.  
Jeno knows he shouldn’t He is meant to be on a diet, and isn’t really allowed to go places without permission. And he really should stay back and go over the steps that were tripping him up earlier. 

But for the first time all day, maybe all week, he doesn’t feel like giving up. He wants to keep going. To prove to everyone, to prove to himself, that he can do this. He hasn’t lost all of his star potential just yet. 

He finds himself agreeing immediately. Donghyuck is right. This life that he has chosen is easier when you have people supporting you by your side.

☾

Jeno is having so much fun on the Mickey Mouse Club. He feels like a star again, reminded of his childhood acting days, and he revels in all attention that is he is getting lately. The fact that he gets to experience it with his friends, as they mess around, makes everything better. 

And when the producers tell him that they are pranking Donghyuck for his birthday, he is even more excited than usual. Because the thing is, Donghyuck is really clever. He doesn’t get pranked ever, his wit is far too quick for that. And as much as Jeno loves him, he can’t wait to give him a taste of his own medicine. 

As the prank starts rolling out, everything goes according to plan. They are all trying really hard not to laugh while Donghyuck remains as oblivious as ever. But as the prank proceeds, things start to change for Jeno. 

Jeno sees the look on Donghyuck’s face when the producers say that Mark looks better for the part, and it’s like, really sad. Jeno knows that, even though he would never admit it, Donghyuck always feels lost in Mark’s shadow. And looking at Hyuck’s dejected face as he gets the news breaks Jeno’s heart a little. 

Luckily, just before Jeno can let it get to him, they are told to end the prank and surprise Donghyuck. Jeno is excited for this dumb prank to end so he can see his friend smile again. However, as it always is with Donghyuck, things do not go to plan.

The prank is revealed and Donghyuck is not laughing with the rest of them. Instead he gets defensive and sulky in the corner. They all look at each other, unsure of how to handle the awkward situation.

The thing is, Jeno doesn’t know how to comfort people. Especially people who are upset for reasons he doesn’t understand. And Jeno really doesn’t understand Donghyuck’s problem right now.

Ever since he can remember, Jeno has tried to avoid confrontation at any cost. He really doesn’t know how to handle people being angry with him, he really doesn’t. 

Part of Jeno feels especially bad about the situation because its Donghyuck. The person who is always there for him, and always makes him smile is now frowning and having a terrible time and its because of him and oh god, Jeno really doesn’t want Donghyuck to be upset because of him.

After the producers make them watch Donghyuck’s footage, it all sets into place. Because of course Donghyuck was in on it. Of course he wasn’t really mad. Somehow this revelation doesn’t make him annoyed like it does the others.

Jeno realizes that he doesn’t really care if he has been pranked, as long as all is right with Donghyuck and he’s smiling again. 

☾

“I just don’t get” Donghyuck rants. “I work so hard, am always praised, but it doesn’t even fucking matter. It never matters. Its never good enough.”

“Hey” Jeno soothes, patting his back. He really doesn’t feel equipped to deal with an angry Donghyuck right now but he lets him rant anyways as he sits upright on his bed. “Think of it as a good thing. They still used your voice in the official NCT trailer. And some of your vocal parts are included in the final cut. They love your voice Hyuck.”

Donghyuck scoffs at that, pulling at a lose thread from the blanket on Jeno’s bed. He looks around the room as if searching for something that it isn’t there. Jeno knows all too well that he’s looking for something he will never find.

“It’s just. They like me and they like my voice but not enough to put me in the 7th sense lineup. Not enough to debut me. And for what? It’s clearly not my voice they have a problem with. So what is wrong with me. Is it my appearance? Is it my personality? Because those are things I don’t even know how to fix” Donghyuck finishes, cutting himself off with a deep inhale.

Jeno sighs. He is really not cut out for this. He isn’t motherly like Doyoung, or a good listener like Taeil. He isn’t fun enough to distract Donghyuck from his problems like Jisung. Despite his lacking, however, Jeno tries anyway. Because there is nothing worse than an insecure Donghyuck. 

One thing Jeno and Donghyuck have in common is their love for cuddling and affection. So Jeno does what he does best and pulls Donghyuck into a long hug while he thinks about how to respond.

Eventually, after Jeno has gathered his thoughts, he whispers softly “You are enough. It’s important to me that you know that you are more than enough. They probably just thought you were too young for this concept, Hyuck. That’s all.”

Donghyuck pulls away slightly from the hug and locks eyes with Jeno. They are only a couple of inches apart, making the doubt that is etched on Donghyuck’s face even clearer to Jeno.

“It’s just” Donghyuck begins. “We are so close. I know our debut is coming. I know it’s going to happen. But it still feels fragile. I still feel like they are going to take it all away from me. Like I’ll wake up tomorrow and be told to pack my bags. Like this was all just a big mistake”

Jeno understands completely. They are so close they can practically taste it, put nothing is guaranteed yet. They just released the lineup for the first subunit of this major project that they’ve been anticipating since their arrival at the company. 

Donghyuck stares at Jeno. He is so close that Jeno can feel his breath as it hits his face. It’s oddly comforting to have someone near him like this while they share this moment of vulnerability. Something he had gotten used to after years of being in Donghyuck’s orbit. 

“I know this all sounds childish and is based on insecurities but it still gets to me, you know? The pressures of idol life are already getting to me” Donghyuck says in a small voice. “But it feels good talking about it. Getting it off my chest. Makes me feel heard I guess.”

Jeno stares intently at the crease in Donghyuck’s eyebrows and the slight pout on his face. He wants to tell Donghyuck that he isn’t alone in his feelings. That his thoughts are valid and that he doesn’t have to be ashamed of them. That Jeno will be always be there. To listen to all of his insecurities no matter how arbitrary they may seem.

But Jeno isn’t good with his words and, again, not good at comforting people either. So instead, he pulls Donghyuck down until they are laying down in Jeno’s tiny bed, in their tiny dorm, huddled together like children. 

Jeno wraps his arm around Donghyuck and strokes his hair until he falls asleep, exhausted from the mini-breakdown he just had. As Jeno looks at his friend’s sleeping face, he reminded once again how important Donghyuck’s happiness is to him.

He knows he can’t offer him much, but he hopes for now that this is enough.

☾

Jeno sighs, folding Donghyuck’s sweatshirts and putting them into a bag. He doesn’t know why he is the one packing up Donghyuck’s stuff for him when he isn’t even the one moving out, but somehow, along the way, Jeno has found it increasingly difficult to say no to him.

He reaches into the drawer and pulls out another sweatshirt, pausing as he inspects the article of clothing. Donghyuck wore it a lot when they first met, and continues you to wear it occasionally. Jeno is reminded once again how quickly time is passing and how thoroughly things are changing for them.

Donghyuck is debuting in 127. As a result, he is moving out of the dorm and moving into a new one with the other members. And while he knows he should be happy for him, knows how much he deserves this, he can’t help but feel a little left behind.

Though he would never admit it, Donghyuck has been his rock throughout his entire time at SM, and Jeno is worried about losing his constant. Worried that they will drift apart and Jeno will go back to closing himself off and crying alone in the corner when things get too hard.

Jeno sighs, sitting on the bed, still clutching the sweatshirt in his hands. He looks around the room and stares at the mess in front of him. Donghyuck’s stuff was scattered everywhere, ready to be packed away and brought to a new home. Before he can sulk much longer, the door opens and Donghyuck walks in, carrying packing tape and a bottle of water.

“I hate packing” he whines, dropping down next to Jeno. 

“It’s funny that you say that, because I haven’t seen you actually pack a single thing” Jeno responds lightly. 

Donghyuck laughs, smiling bright at his friend. Jeno’s heart does that thing it sometimes does when Donghyuck looks at him that way, like he will always be happy to see him. 

Jeno doesn’t think too much of it; if he did it would probably drive him insane. He’s found that it’s much better to push away these unfamiliar thoughts and instead let himself enjoy the warmth his friend radiates. 

“Don’t get sassy with me just because you’re going to miss me” Donghyuck says in a voice that is much too smug. 

In a rare moment of vulnerability, Jeno answers honestly. “I will, you know. Miss you that is” he confesses, eyes trained on the pile of clothes on the floor. 

Jeno can feel Donghyuck’s eyes trained on him until he feels a hand on his jaw, forcing eye contact between the two. 

“Jeno listen. I am only going to say this once, because I don’t want you getting a big head” Donghyuck begins. “We aren’t going to be roommates anymore, but that doesn’t mean everything is going to change between us. You’re still my best friend.”

“I know” Jeno replies seriously. “It’s just…it’s just you’ve always been here. And now you are leaving and I know it’s not a big deal, but I don’t like change. I know I sound like a little kid clinging to his mom, but I don’t want you to go.”

Donghyuck laughs at that, which only makes Jeno feel more ridiculous for feeling like this. Just as he starts pouting, Donghyuck grabs his hand and smiles sweetly at him.

“You silly goose. I am not going anywhere. I mean yeah, I am switching dorms but I will literally be a five-minute walk away. And you will see me at the company every day. I hate to break it to you Jeno, but you are stuck with me” Donghyuck said. 

“I guess you are right” Jeno replies, finally smiling back. “Plus I’m getting a new roommate who is probably nicer and cleaner than you anyway.”

“Hey! I’m a great roommate!” Donghyuck snarks. “It’s poor little Renjun who in for a rude awakening.”

Jeno can’t deny that Donghyuck is fun to be around. In fact, Jeno thinks he wouldn’t mind spend all of his time with him for a long time, sort of like he has been doing up until this point.

Before Jeno can reply to Donghyuck’s snarky remarks, the other receives a phone call, quickly leaving the room as Mrs. Lee’s kind but domineering voice comes through the speaker. 

Jeno stands up, sweatshirt from earlier still in hand. He thinks about it for approximately three seconds before he moves to put it in his own drawer. 

If he plans to bury his face into it later when he is lonely and missing his best friend then that’s his business. 

☾

Jeno runs off stage, adrenaline coursing through his veins. He did it. He finally debuted. Years of blood, sweat, and tears, my god so many tears, have led to this moment. This moment that makes everything feel worth it.

He looks to his right and sees Jisung and Jaemin messing around, pure joy evident on their faces. To his left Chenle, Renjun, and Mark are chattering excitedly, pleased with how their performance had gone. 

In that moment, Jeno realizes someone is missing. He is just about to ask Mark about it when a voice interrupts him.

“Hey Stranger” the voice says as it taps him on the shoulder. When Jeno turns around he is met with the biggest smile he has ever seen, radiating like the sun and shining just as bright.

Before he can stop himself, Jeno pulls the other into a hug. He really can’t help himself, as he stands squeezing his best friend in a tiny dressing room. This is the happiest he has been probably ever.

“Congrats on your debut” Donghyuck mumbles into his ear. “I told you that you were meant for this. That we would debut together.”

Jeno pulls away slightly, keeping the other at arms length. “I know, I know. You are the great Lee Donghyuck who is good at everything, including predicting the future I guess” he mutters sarcastically. 

Jeno is met with a smirk that he pretends doesn’t make him melt a little. “Excuse me. But it’s Lee Haechan now mister” Donghyuck says in that teasing voice of his.

“Hey now. You’ll always be my Hyuckie to me” Jeno replies. He means to sound playful but the sentiment comes off a little serious.

He is met with a smile that makes Jeno remember why the boy standing next to him is so often compared to the sun. He shines brightly, but in his own special way. A way that gives off energy, and makes life feel possible. Especially when Jeno’s life is filled with impossibles.

Jeno almost feels guilty for wanting more. For already having so much, and being greedy enough to feel like something is missing. 

As the two boys are pulled from their private moment to join the others, Jeno takes one last look at Donghyuck. When his heart picks up again, he realizes that this is not something he can avoid for much longer. He is going to have to confront himself and his feelings soon.

But for now, he turns to his friends and celebrates their first small victory on their new journey together. 

☾

When Jeno first learns that there is a good possibility that Dream might have their first win, he is shocked. It doesn’t feel possible, to already be achieving something like this. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but he really, really wants this. Wants it to be real. Another way to prove to himself that maybe he is good enough to be doing this.

“So,” a voice interrupts his thoughts. “What are you going to do when we win?” Donghyuck asks. 

“Shhhh” Jeno sputters. “Don’t jinx it. Knock on wood or something. I’m not gonna let you ruin this” he jokes.

“Jeno, Jeno, Jeno. When have I ever been wrong about something like this?” Donghyuck smirks, leaning against the door with his arms crossed. Jeno hates to admit it, but Donghyuck looks really good like this. 

Jeno tries to put on an unimpressed look, but given the way Donghyuck’s smirk widens, his attempt at apathy is unsuccessful. 

“How about we make a little bet then” Donghyuck says, a mischievous look on his face.

Jeno does not like where this is going. Nothing good ever comes from a bet with Hyuck. Nothing good ever comes from most of the things that Hyuck suggests. 

“I’m not liking the sound of this, Hyuck.” Jeno says wearily. If anything, Donghyuck’s smirk gets ever bigger, growing into a smile that spreads across his entire face. 

“If we lose today, I will treat you to dinner. Whatever you want” Donghyuck starts.

Jeno narrows his eyes skeptically. “And if we win?” he asks.

“If we win…. you have to let me kiss you” Donghyuck said confidently. 

Jeno’s jaw drops. He had just come to terms with his feelings for Donghyuck and the fact that he liked boys in a way that he had always been taught was wrong. 

He doesn’t know if he is ready for this. In fact, he knows he isn’t. He agrees to the bet anyway.

And then something amazing happens. They do win. Jeno is so so so so happy. Happier than he thought was possible. But as he walks backstage, he begins to feel nervous again. 

They won, right? So Donghyuck is going to kiss him, right? So many things he has dreamt of are finally happening and he is so happy, but so overwhelmed. 

On their way to the dressing room, Jeno’s path is diverted, as Donghyuck pulls him towards the bathroom and locks the door. 

They spend about a minute just staring at each other, the tension much too large for the tiny room they are occupying.  
“So,” Donghyuck begins, voice not nearly as confident as it was earlier in the day. “I believe that I get to kiss you now” he says with a hoarse voice.

Jeno feels the anxiety building up in his chest, but finds himself nodding anyway, gaze aimed purposefully at the floor. A bet is bet. 

Jeno feels Donghyuck step towards him, as he finally lifts his gaze. He spends a moment analyzing Donghyuck’s face, fascinated by the uneasy expression on his, normally confident, face. 

Donghyuck’s gaze shoots down to Jeno’s lips right as he starts to lean in. Jeno closes his eyes, unable to take the intensity of Donghyuck’s stare for another moment. His heart beats fast, as he waits to feel pressure against his lips. 

He feels Donghyuck’s face impossibly close to his, lips a fraction of a hair away from his own. But, at the last minute, Donghyuck quickly changes course, and kisses his cheek instead. 

When Jeno opens his eyes, confused by the entire encounter, Donghyuck is blushing profusely and avoiding eye contact with Jeno at all costs. 

“Let’s, uhh… let’s go back to the others” he offers, pushing past Jeno to unlock the door and lead them away from the bathroom and back to their teammates. 

As Jeno walks back, he tries not to let himself feel too disappointed. 

☾

Jeno first hears about Donghyuck’s scandal from Jisung, and initially, he isn’t sure what to think. He wants to give his friend the benefit of the doubt, but he can’t help but feel a little angry by the news. 

Jeno is not a vindictive person. But as he reads the rumors online, he finds himself getting more and more betrayed over the allegations. Like Donghyuck did something to hurt him personally, even though it’s irrational. 

When Jeno goes to the company to practice, he runs into Mark who gives him the rundown on the situation.

“The whole situation is so infuriating” Mark sighs. “Because, like in the grand scheme of things, he did nothing wrong and it’s not a big deal. But, like, he is just so irresponsible and it’s like he doesn’t even realize the consequences of his actions.”

“So the rumors are true?” Jeno asks, trying not to let the desperation he feels show through his words. Hearing himself speak, he knows that he failed, but Mark is so angry that he doesn’t notice.

“I don’t even know the whole story. I haven’t talked to him. I don’t think any of us have. We are all are pretty angry. If I saw him I’d probably just yell at him to be honest” Mark answers. 

Jeno takes this information and sits on it. Over the next week or so, he finds himself avoiding Donghyuck. Jeno feels a little guilty for not being there for his friend, but he is worried that whatever the other boy says will break his heart. 

Because up until this point Jeno was starting to let himself believe that there was a possibility that Donghyuck maybe liked him back. That maybe he wouldn’t have to go through this scary journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance alone. 

Jeno doesn’t know how long he is planning on ignoring Donghyuck, but as the days go on, he finds himself missing the other boy. Even if he has accepted that he is probably alone in his feelings, he needs to step up and be a friend to the other boy. 

So when Donghyuck calls Jeno exactly one week and four days after radio silence, Jeno answers, and agrees to meet the boy. 

“How have you been, Hyuck?” Jeno asks as he lets Donghyuck into the dorm, and leads him to his room. 

“Donghyuck ignores the question as he sits on Jeno’s bed. “Where is Renjun?” he asks instead. 

“Him and Chenle went out with Kun-hyung. I think they’ll be back later tonight.” He answers softly. 

Donghyuck nods slowly, before immediately bursting into tears. Jeno rushes to him quickly, and pulls him into his arms. 

In that moment, Jeno feels all the resentment that had been building up inside of him disappear, and replaces it with immense guilt. Guilt because Donghyuck, the boy he has convinced himself he probably loves, is suffering. And he has done nothing to help. 

“Shhhh” Jeno whispers, rubbing his friend’s back. “It’s ok. I’m here. Don’t worry, I am here for you. No matter, what I’m here” he says softly. 

Donghyuck cries for several minutes before pulling away and wiping his eyes on his sleeve. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just. I don’t know. Everyone has been avoiding me, and I’ve felt so alone these past few days And everyone hates me, and when I called you, I thought you wouldn’t answer. Or you'd answer and tell me to fuck off like everyone else” he says, voice thick with emotion. 

Upon hearing this, Jeno feels his heart break. He has been so selfish throughout this entire situation. Avoiding his friend when he was going through something because he couldn’t confront his own feelings. 

Jeno reaches forward and grabs Donghyuck’s hand and squeezes it. He waits a moment as he carefully tries to find the right words. 

“I know I haven’t been the best friend to you throughout this whole thing, but I’m here now. And I am always going to be here for you. No matter how much you may fuck up, I’m here. I’m sorry, but I’m going to be better now. I just needed some time to process everything.” Jeno finishes. 

After hearing Jeno’s little speech, Donghyuck begins crying again. Jeno reaches forward to wipe the tears away, his other hand still tightly tangled with Donghyuck’s.

“Jeno, everyone hates me. I don’t know how to process it. Doyoung and Winwin are the only ones who have spoken to me, and even then it’s like, the bare minimum” Donghyuck says dejectedly. 

Jeno sighs, unsure of how to comfort Donghyuck in this situation. “Just give them time” he finally answers. “And if they don’t get over it, let me know and I will give them a piece of my mind.”

Donghyuck laughs briefly, before his expression turns into that of introspection. “Jeno… about the rumors….” He begins, before getting cut off. 

“You don’t owe me an explanation, Hyuck” Jeno says sincerely. To be quite honest, Jeno is kind of afraid of whatever explanation his friend has to offer. 

Donghyuck spends a moment looking at their conjoined hands before finally speaking again. 

“Jeno. It’s important to me that you know that nothing was happening. Between me and that girl…or any girl. Or any guy. Any person. I’m not, I’m not trying to be in a relationship with any of those people. I swear” Donghyuck says hurriedly. 

Jeno doesn’t know how to answer that. He feels immensely relieved by this news. He also notices that Donghyuck mentioned that he wasn’t involved with any guys. Which is a curious thing to mention….unless.... 

Jeno decides not to mention it, and instead spends the night cuddling his best friend and trying to get him to smile as much as possible, hoping that he can make up for how lonely the other boy has been feeling lately. 

☾

Mark and Donghyuck are fighting. Again. This is far from the first fight the two have been involved in, so Jeno stays out of it for the most part. 

The biggest affect this has on Jeno is that he now receives a lot more attention from Donghyuck. Donghyuck has, for the most part, been acting like Mark does not exist. And he directs any attention that he would’ve given to him straight to Jeno instead. 

Jeno and Donghyuck are both very cuddly people. And when you put the two together, it can be hard to separate them, as they are often connected at every limb. 

We Young promotions are in full force and Donghyuck has not left Jeno’s side. They are always hugging, giggling, holding hands, etc. And Jeno is loving every second of it. 

Even though nothing has changed within their own dynamic, Jeno finds his relationship with Donghyuck shifting. Growing into something more intimate. Something different from the relationships he has with all of his other bandmates. 

But Jeno’s bliss is short-lived. Donghyuck and Mark’s fight has taken a whole new level, making everyone within a 10-foot radius of them very uncomfortable. Jeno decides this cannot go on for any longer. 

The thing about Mark and Donghyuck is that their relationship is very complicated. Some of their fans think they are in love; others think they are best friends. Both assumptions are wrong.

Mark and Donghyuck are not that close, while at the same time being closer than anyone else in NCT. They are fiercely loyal to each other, and will ultimately stand up for each other in times of need. But they also know how to push each other’s buttons. 

They are truly like siblings. They fight and get angry at each other at the drop of a hat. But at the end of the day, they love each other a lot. Jeno wants to remind them of that. 

So when Donghyuck tries to cuddle up next to Jeno in the car, he gets rejected. 

Donghyuck pouts at Jeno, and it’s almost enough to get him to immediately concede, but he stands his ground. 

“No cuddles until you make up with Mark” he declares as sternly as he can.

Donghyuck looks shocked. “What the fuck, Jeno? What do either of those things have to do with each other?” he demands.

Jeno just looks at him blankly. “How can I be sure that you are not just being affectionate with me because you miss Mark. And you are seeking attention from me because you aren’t getting it from him” he answers back, trying to sound firm.

Donghyuck frowns when he hears that. “You can’t be serious. You know our cuddles have nothing to do with whatever is going on with me and Mark” he says, eyes widening and lips pouting.

To be honest, Jeno does know that. He knows that his claim is absolutely ridiculous and makes no sense. But he also knows that Donghyuck needs affection, and Jeno is the most likely person to indulge him. If he takes that away, maybe it will be enough of an incentive to get Donghyuck to patch things up with Mark. 

“Jeno. If me and Mark were on good terms, nothing would change about our relationship. So. Cuddle?” he asks expectantly. 

Jeno turns away from him, putting his earphones in. “Prove it” he mutters before closing his eyes and drifting to sleep. 

Later in the day, Jeno walks into the practice room and sees Mark and Donghyuck laughing, the tension that had been following them for weeks suddenly gone. 

As their promotions end, Donghyuck’s attention towards him decreases only slightly, and at the end of the day, Jeno thinks the peace that has been brought back to their team makes it worth it. 

☾

His relationship with Donghyuck has been building and building as the months went on. At this point, Jeno is pretty sure that his feelings for Donghyuck are reciprocated. And their dynamic is shifting. 

Jeno has been waiting for something to happen. Something that will finally push them to address whatever is going on between them. Jeno thinks this may be that moment. 

They had been in LA shooting their music video for GO when Donghyuck kissed him. To be honest, this was not at all how Jeno had expected their first kiss to go, and he hasn't even had anytime to address the situation either. 

So, when he finds himself freaking out alone in his hotel room, he does what he always does in a time of crisis. He calls Doyoung. 

“So he just kissed you and ran away?” Doyoung questions on the phone, voice sleepy. Jeno had forgotten about the time difference when we dialed his hyung's number. 

“Yes and like. I’m not really sure how to handle it. Because everyone saw. And everyone is acting like it’s a joke but. Hyung, it doesn’t feel like a joke. Deep down, I know it’s more than that” he says, voice small. 

Doyoung sighs over the phone. “Jeno, I know you like Donghyuck. We have already established that. And at this point, we are pretty sure he likes you back. So what’s the hold up?”

Jeno thinks it over. “It’s just. Hyung, this feels really important. Like an important step for me. With a really, really important person. And if this goes wrong, I don’t know. I don’t know what could happen but it could be really bad. Especially with NCT 2018 promotions coming up” he admits. 

This is the first time he has really voiced these feelings to anyone, and addressing them feels like a form of reckoning.

“Jeno, we both know that this is something you can’t ignore for that much longer. I think what happened today is a direct result of the two of you avoiding the subject until it blows up in your faces” Doyoung reasons. 

Jeno mulls over what Doyoung has said to him, and he can’t help but admit that he has a point. 

Taking his silence as a form of acceptance, Doyoung continues speaking. “If you are worried about promotions, wait until after Black on Black promotions are over. It’s a couple of months away. But talk to him about it. Let him know that you are planning on discussing this eventually” he reasons. 

This is why Jeno goes to Doyoung. He always knows the exact right way to handle any and every situation. 

“I think I like the sound of that Hyung. Thank you. I feel really lucky to have someone like you in my life. Someone I can trust” Jeno confesses sincerely. 

“Of course Jeno. You know you are my favorite and that I love you no matter what. Just please, don’t stress out too much about this. We have a lot to focus on. And keep me updated on the situation” Doyoung says. 

Jeno promises Doyoung and hangs up the phone, before going down to the hotel lobby and meeting the rest of the Dreamies for a meal. When Donghyuck sneaks away to the bathroom, Jeno follows and corners him. 

“Donghyuck” Jeno begins as he closes the door, “I want to talk to you about something.”

Donghyuck looks nervous and a little confused, and yeah, maybe this is an awkward place at an awkward time but Jeno has to get this out as soon as possible. 

“Donghyuck…about the kiss. I think we both know that there was more to it than an innocent joke. And I think we have been avoiding this topic for a long time” Jeno begins. 

“Jeno—I-I” Donghyuck stutters, before he gives up, unable to find the right words to say. 

“Donghyuck, no listen. This is important to me. You are important to me. And I want to do this right. So right now I’m addressing it. And I’m making a promise to you that when NCT 2018 promotions are over, we will sit down and talk about it for real, Ok?” 

Donghyuck blinks at him a couple of times before nodding his head. “Ok” he answers. 

“Ok, good. Now go to the bathroom, and I’m going to go back to our table. Oh, and make sure you wash your hands” Jeno says as he exits the room and joins the others. 

For the first time in awhile, Jeno thinks everything is going to work out. He will get his happy ending eventually, he just has to wait a little longer. 

☾

They don’t quite make it to the end of promotions. It’s in the middle of Black on Black promotions when it finally happens. Jeno and Donghyuck are hanging out at the Dream dorm, the rest of the Dreamies dispersed elsewhere when Donghyuck brings up what has been bugging him for awhile. 

“You know” Donghyuck begins. “The fans seem to love the idea of you and Jaemin together.”

Jeno rolls his eyes so far back into his head he is worried they will get stuck. Does Donghyuck really have the audacity to doubt his feelings at this point? Not to mention the hypocrisy. 

“So? You know me and Jaemin aren’t like that. God knows I couldn’t handle him. I mean, you do know that right?” Jeno questions.

Donghyuck sighs dramatically. “Of course I know that!” he replies exasperated. 

Jeno narrows his eyes at Donghyuck, asking “Then what is the big deal? Why does it matter?”

“Because the fans ship you guys. And it’s very popular. And I don’t like having to see it” he answers childishly. 

Jeno lets out a frustrated laugh. “Are you kidding me? Everyone and their mother ships you with Mark. It is literally, probably the biggest ship in NCT. I have to see that every day. Do you understand how hypocritical you are being right now?”

“You don’t get what I’m saying, Jeno” Donghyuck begins. “I’m fucking in love with you. I don’t want to see anyone saying you look cute with other people. I want people to only think you’d look cute with me, ok?” 

Jeno stares at Donghyuck, shock written all over his face. There it is. What they have been avoiding for months, years even. Finally out there in the open. 

“Jeno, say something” Donghyuck pleads after a period of silence. 

“Sorry, it’s just, I-I, Hyuck I don’t even know where to begin. I have been in love with you for what feels like forever and it felt like this moment was just never going to come. Like maybe you liked me or whatever but I was going to be devoured by my feelings anyway. Loving you alone anyway” Jeno finally replies, voice thick with emotion. 

“Jeno I told you. This life is so complicated. People make it so much easier. You make everything so much easier for me. These promotions have been hell and I have slept maybe a total of 12 hours in the past two months but you make it all easier. I need you to know that. I can’t keep pretending that I don’t feel it” Donghyuck says. 

Jeno has so much he wants to tell Donghyuck but he has no idea how to put into words what he is feeling. It’s too much. He feels too much. So instead, he leans in and kisses Donghyuck. 

Jeno know that technically this isn’t their first kiss, but this is the first one that matters. This is the kiss where Jeno finally feels how special it is to love and be loved by someone. 

Fans always compare Donghyuck to the sun, and it makes so much sense. Donghyuck is the center of his universe, and Jeno feels like he will be orbiting around his warmth for the rest of his life. Like his very existence is tied to Donghyuck. That is the kind of love he feels for him.

Jeno pulls away from Donghyuck, face flushed. Donghyuck is giggling and he looks so beautiful that Jeno can’t help but immediately dive in for another kiss. 

It has been a difficult journey to get to this point. But in this one moment, everything is perfect. 

☾

Jeno is sitting across the table from Doyoung, the two of them enjoying a nice meal together. They had just finished a V-Live together after Doyoung visited him at the Show. 

“I know you guys are dating now, but did you really have to bring up Haechan in every sentence? I thought I was going to have to turn off the camera and scold you. It was getting annoying” Doyoung jokes. 

Jeno flushes looking down. He didn’t mean to bring up his boyfriend so much, but he misses him a lot. Donghyuck had been doing promotions in Japan and the U.S. and had been busy practicing and sleeping since he got back. Jeno hasn’t seen him in what feels like forever and he is getting restless with need to be with him.

Doyoung smiles at him, exactly like a big brother. “Don’t worry Jeno. You guys have a filming schedule together in a couple of days, and then you both have time off. And if it makes you feel better, Donghyuck has been moping too” he says nicely. 

Jeno smiles and turns his attention to his meal. Just a few more days he tells himself. Just a few more days and they can finally be together again.

When the day finally comes, Jeno is bouncing off the walls with excitement. He spends the entire filming schedule laughing with Donghyuck, Renjun, and Jaemin, having the most fun he has had in a long time. 

When filming is over, Renjun goes to the company to practice for his upcoming China unit debut, while Jeno and Donghyuck go back to Jeno’s room and have some long-awaited alone time. 

They lay together, on Jeno’s bed, Donghyuck’s head on the other’s chest while he traces circles on the inside of his arm. 

“This is so nice” Donghyuck confesses. “I’ve been thinking about this for ages.”

“Me too” Jeno admits. “But we knew we’d be busy and not get to see each other sometimes. What matters is that we’ll always come back to each other, right?” 

Donghyuck sits up slightly to look Jeno in the eye. “Of course” he replies. “And we have a little bit of a break right now. And then we are both going to be busy again. We’ll be seeing a lot more of each other” he smiles. 

Jeno leans in, pressing a gentle peck to Donghyuck’s lips. “Good” he says. “You make things easier.”

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from the song love by lana del rey which is essentially the nohyuck anthem as far as i'm concerned
> 
> this entire piece of writing was inspired by this video: https://twitter.com/jendonglover/status/996201760866811904


End file.
